Randal Graves: Since when is it a crime to say "porch monkey"?
Becky: Oh, since, I don't know, forever?!
Randal Graves: Why?
Dante Hicks: Because porch monkey is a racial slur against black people!
Randal Graves: No it's not — nigger is.
Dante Hicks: [horrified] Randal!
Elias: Did Mr. Randal just call Mr. Dante a nigger?
Becky: Shut up, Elias!
Randal Graves: I didn't just call Dante a nigger, I just said that nigger is a racial slur.
Dante Hicks: So is porch monkey!
Dante Hicks: Oh, it is not! Coon, spook, spade, moolie, jigaboo, nig-nog — those are racial slurs. Porch monkey is not.
Becky: I'm going to pretend that this conversation didn't happen. Elias, go pick up that fucking mess. [points at Randal] And you are this close to getting shit-canned! Shoot me now! [storms off]
Dante Hicks: What are you doing? Are you trying to get fired?
Randal Graves: Since when did porch monkey become a racial slur?
Dante Hicks: When ignorant racists started using it 100 years ago!
Randal Graves: Oh, bullshit. My grandmother used to call me a porch monkey all the time when I was a kid because I'd sit on the porch and stare at my neighbors.
Dante Hicks: Despite the fact that your grandmother used it as a term if endearment for you, it's still a racial slur. It would be like your grandmother calling you a little kike.
Randal Graves: Oh, it is not. Besides, my grandmother had nothing but the utmost respect for the Jewish community. She used to tell me to be always be nice to the Jewish kids, or they'd put the sheenie curse on me.
Dante Hicks: WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?!
Randal Graves: What?
Dante hicks: Sheenie is a racial slur too!
Randal Graves: Oh, it is not!
Dante Hicks: Yes, it is!
Randal Graves: Well, she never called any Jews sheenies, she just said "sheenie curse" a lot. It was cute.
Dante Hicks: It wasn't cute, it was racist!
Randal Graves: I disagree, man. She was just an old-timer. That's the way people talked back then. It didn't mean they were racists. [thinks for a moment] Then again, she did once refer to a broken beer bottle as a nigger knife. You know, my grandmother was kind of a racist.
Dante Hicks: [flabbergasted] Do you think?
Randal Graves: Well, I still don't think that porch monkey should be considered a racial term. I've always used it to describe lazy people, not lazy black people. I think if we really tried, we could take back porch monkey and save it.
Dante Hicks: [fed up] It can't be saved, Randal. The sole purpose for its creation, the only reason it exists in the first place, is to disparage an entire race. And even if it could be saved, you couldn't save it because you're not black!
Randal Graves: Well, listen to you — telling me I can't do something because of the color of my skin. You're the racist, man!