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This is my TEABAG. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

My TEABAG is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.

My TEABAG, without me, is useless. Without my TEABAG, I am useless. I must fire my TEABAG true.

I must TEABAG BETTER than my enemy who is trying to TEABAG me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will... THEN IF APPROPRIATE, TEABAG.