You might think the two men in this "platoon" do not stand a chance against your armies of little birds, engineers and PSSH PSSH PSSH PSSH PSSH PSSH PSSH PSSH PSSH. You might think you will crush us with your generic carbines and active protection. You are probably right.

However, you best not underestimate our cheap shotguns, our lock-on launchers or our unnatural desire to win in a video game. Until you realise this, you better hope the awful netcode is on your side.

We are British, we are United fans, and we have nothing better to do.